I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
God I need to hump something, right now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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