...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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