A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
