so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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