girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize