ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just forgot I was standing up.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
