Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
