The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
