Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
