I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
