Cold hands, warm shart.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
