Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
