I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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