im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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