A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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