i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
