i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
