i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
