I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
