Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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