Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
