There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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