nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
