Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize