Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
