Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
