I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
