they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
