dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
