My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
