OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
