i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
third nipple confirmed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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