he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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