Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
