I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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