Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
