Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
