Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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