they need to just BURY HIM!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
