I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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