Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
