I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
