Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
