yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
