the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
