I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize