Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
