Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
