at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
