there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
