So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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