Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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