Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
