I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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