Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
