1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The maid of honor just puked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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