worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
