I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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