i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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