I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
