I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
