no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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