tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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