talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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