Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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