dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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