as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
