Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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