i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How naked do you want me to be?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
