My hand turned me down
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
