i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
