he told me I talked like a deaf person
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Pooping to opera.
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