we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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