Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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