Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
