I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize