She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
