but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
