We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
