I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
even my farts smell like vagina
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
