i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
These tits shall not be calmed
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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