I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
