he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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