Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I smell like Dick and happiness
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize