we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
