haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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