I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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